The employee said hed gotten drunk the night before and was now suffering from a hangover. ~ Will Rogers, People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day! We Need a New Phrase for Stay-at-Home Mom - LinkedIn Thatched ATM The female genitals. I have about two more months of that sweet sweet reality. But many sound as cheery as a year-end bonus: "constructive discharge," "career alternative enhancement," andno kidding"free up for the future. ~ Boves Theorem, The taxpayerthats someone who works for the federal government but doesnt have to take the civil service examination. ~ Anonymous, People are still willing to do an honest days work. He cant eat for eight hours; he cant drink for eight hours; he cant make love for eight hours. I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there. When the employee . An employee claims their dog ate their work schedule. The employee insisted hed locked himself in his house by mistake and that the house did not have any windows to crawl out of. dosser. An employee said their mother-in-law wouldnt stop talking. The problem is they want a weeks pay for it. After you have constructed your email signature to perfection, click the Save Changes button located at the bottom of the page. the bossfinallyagreesto give him a 5 percent raise, and Bill happily gets up to leave. Being unemployed can be difficult, but admitting to it by labeling yourself as such is nearly as hard. ~ Jerome K. Jerome, The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen. I like happy uncles. I beat people up. Business, Economics, and Finance. ~ Anonymous, I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams. 86. Have you ever thought of C-3PO as a pimp? 74. 31. 69. 8. However, it is an expression they use, and you can find the explanation here: http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/266900.html. An employee broke his arm reaching to grab a falling sandwich. 18. ", "You're not losing a job," these expressions seem to be saying. Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun a lot more work. ~ Ray Kroc. An employee had a headache after going to too many garage sales. ~ Michel Tournier, Give a man a fish, and youll feed him for a day. 'I Love You. I can't work in the dark.". Knocking shop Brothel. If everything went wrong, maybe youd get a pulse. But, it will take some time to make this believe into a real thing! This derives from the doling out, i.e. 38. 65. ~ Elbert Hubbard, I am a friend of the working man, and I would rather be his friend, than be one. Heres some advice: At a job interview, tell them youre willing to give 110 percent. 10 Funny Out of Office Messages You Will Want to Copy Sick llama. Congrats on your new job. The trick is to make mistakes when no one is looking. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. How Embracing Life With Eczema Led To My Own Online Platform AndAdvocacy, The Truth Is, School Does Not Prepare You Well For The WorkingWorld, How Having A Full-Time Job Can Benefit You As A BusinessOwner, It Took A Pandemic For Me To Create Healthy WorkBoundaries, How To Turn A Career Setback Into YourEdge. Lose somebody Have them die, especially when they were under your care. 96. The woman says, "Just wait and see." I have about two more months of that sweet sweet reality. sentences. 1 Experimenting with real time time travel. A new small business was opening and one of the owner's friends arranged for flowers to be sent to mark the occasion and wish the owner luck. When you feel your load becoming heavier, its time to look for something exciting and hilarious to help you relieve stress with a hearty laugh. An employees coffee was too hot and they couldnt leave until it cooled off. And we all know how Mondays are. ~ Oscar Wilde, Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. Cross over to the other side Die. Be on a gardening leave - Unemployed. ~ Anonymous, Getting paid to sleep thats my dream job. 2. It can be a welcome change of pace to the rigid professionalism in workplaces across the world. 5. Maybe youre stressed out because of a looming deadline, or youre tired of watching the same office scenes day after day. I want to take some time to learn how to poach an egg. 2. Unless you're applying to be a statistician. Some people say the glass is half empty. I went for an interview for an office job today. 12. Ive always wanted to learn how to burp the alphabet and I can just see myself putting it off and off and never doing it. 39 Why-Jokes That Are Guaranteed to Make Your Family Laugh, 24 Age-Appropriate Kids Jokes That Will Always Get a Laugh. 2. The following mentioned are few funny yet good excuses for being late to work. 10 creative techniques that didn't work: 1. 15. ~ Junior Seau, I used to work at McDonalds making minimum wage. If any of these make you laugh out loud, share them with a coworker who could use a pick-me-up too or even @ your boss, if you dare. . So, stop looking around for anybody to do something for you; instead, get your own body going and get it done now. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and youre a consultant. 183. See how your sentence looks with different synonyms. 2. The flowers duly arrived at the new business site and the business owner read the accompanying card to find it said, "Rest in Peace." Here is a list of 101 great words and phrases that you can use instead of swearing! Turn to dust Die. Click that button to get to your email settings. Neutralized (Of a geographical area) the army or police has killed people there. Now quiet! A guy goes in for a job interview and sits down with the boss. Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. ~ Anonymous, Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy. Don't be happy because it happened, cry because it's over. Beat the 5 oclock rush, leave work at noon. Heard about snowing: The proof is that it makes us tired. Apparently, those day-long seminars in workplace sensitivity have paid off: "firing" is now as outdated as a defined-benefit pension plan. And along that same note, heres a fun song about being unemployed, and someones romantic partner complaining about the situation. Im growing my boyfriend a surprise baby in my tummy. Everyone around here is saying change is inevitable. Are we getting vending machines? Im taking some time out to find my true passion in life. For any related queries, contact editor@vantagecircle.com. 45. ~ Anonymous, Education cost money. Work stress may be high for you and your employees right now, but you do have some control over it. The man replies, I dont care about what you think!. ~ Anonymous, Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. Early retirement Used to describe getting fired, especially for older people. 9 Creative Employee Announcements For New Hires In 2023 - SnackNation An employee couldnt come in because his llama wouldnt stop barfing. What do you get when you mix a joke with a rhetorical question? Oxford Comma Destroyer (Copywriter/Copy Editor) Punctuation Prodigy (Copywriter/Copy Editor) Rockstar Copywriter (Copywriter/Social Media Manager) Wizard of Light Bulb Moments (Marketing Director) For a list of the most popular, but less funny, Marketing titles, check out The 25 Best Marketing Job Titles. In between the ears and above the neck Used to describe how intelligent a person is. out of work. Dont miss these 15 bizarre excuses people used in car insurance claims. I want everyone to tell me the trutheven if it costs him his job. person between jobs. Except when I call in sick, I know Im lying. 9. 75 Funny Out Of Office Messages That Will Make Your Coworkers Smile Add Signature. 98. 84. Ten Best Ways to Say Unemployed Broken car Radio: When employees set out to offer funny excuses, it starts from their car. 0 seconds of 1 minute, 28 secondsVolume 0%. I cannot have that. Boost employee engagement with this FREE guide! Do your business/Empty your bowels Defecate. ~ Earl Nightingale, Pride, commitment and teamwork are words they use to get you to work for free. An employee said he had to watch a soccer game that was being played in Europe. Sarcastic Things To Say To Haters (101 Witty Statements) ~ Byron Pulsifer, Luck is a dividend of sweat. Say: "I love media and working with people, and I'm looking for something that'll help me do both of those things.". An employees dead grandmother was being exhumed for a police investigation. Postmenopausal/Senior Very old. With whom did you wish to speak? Funny Flirty Quotes to Make Him Smile. ~ Cannons Law, Anybody, somebody or nobody is ever going to make your life any more than you are willing to do for yourself. Partially proficient Not very qualified. Have a great life ahead and keep in touch. For this anonymous and ashamed employee, a well-regretted phone call left her humiliated at work for life. Lose your marbles Suffer a mental illness. What are some funny ways to say that you're unemployed?