This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. "I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently, I have new ideas." - Unknown 4. Sayings. 2. Not only do they get people laughing, but they may subtly point out similarities of experience, opinions, and values to make even a tight-knit group feel more closely bonded. The egomaniac holds the light bulb while the world revolves around him. Movies are more than just entertainment. Weve also snuck in a few cringeworthy jokes among these funny one-liners, so be warned. Youre really excited to present your ideas, but you make one fatal flaw. "Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else's path unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path then by all means you should follow that." It's said that laughter is the best medicine, so take it all with a grain of salt and a sense of humor. 42. 65 Funny One-Liners That'll Make Anyone Chuckle - BuzzFeed If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. The kind of life motivation I need. Life is a question and how we live it is our answer. Gary Keller, 10. Pro-tip #1: Do you know whats not funny? One day YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook will join together and be called: YouTwitFace . 68. Then it hit me. Go forth on your path, as it exists only through your walking. Augustine of Hippo, 33. In this article, we shall read some really funny ones that will help you see why life should always be taken with a pinch of salt. "Joan Rivers, 5. "Life is pleasant. Put the best pick-up lines you were too lazy jokes that one liners for dating one. Dorothy Zbornak, The Golden Girls, 84. There's a fine line between hyphenated words. 72. Sophia Petrillo, The Golden Girls, 37. Don't act like I'm a character in your reality show. Your email address will not be published. Ayatollah you already. Funny one liners for dating - noticias Eurokarpa Phyllis Diller, 82. 145+ One-Liner Jokes As Punny As They Are Funny - Scary Mommy Funny Witty Quotes To Make You Clever And Smarter - The Random Vibez When you go to an antique auction and three people bid on you. But John came fifth and won a toaster. "Joan Rivers, 44. "I always cook with wine. So, if you cant laugh at yourself, call meIll laugh at you. Unknown, 12. He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame Unknown, 54 Change the game, dont let the game change you. Macklemore There is no life as complete as the life that is lived by choice. Shad Helmstetter, 55. Yeah, they got him on possession. Death is peaceful. . A new study shows that one-third of people dont floss, while the other two-thirds couldnt answer with all the local anesthetic in their mouths. Every moment is a fresh beginning. T.S Eliot, 80. Life is like homemade ice cream: sweet and seasonal. Sign up for our weekly newsletters and get: By signing in, you agree to our Terms and Conditions Their first daughter was born with a silver spoon in her mouth. "Isaac Asimov, 18. Blanche Devereaux, The Golden Girls, 34. 148 Dad Jokes That are Actually Funny - Best Dad Jokes of All Time Monday is the yardstick against which all that is unpleasant is measured. Lou Brutus, 37. Me, I just drink whatever's in the glass." Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work. Earl Nightingale, 25. What if soy milk were just regular milk introducing itself in Spanish? How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? "I hate housework. "Charles Lamb, 96. Here are 21 witty one-liners guaranteed to make you smile. From the very best dad jokes to one-liners and puns, we've got it all for you! You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. "Money can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it. If reading funny books, funny poems and funny limericks doesnt raise your spirit, check out these funny boss quotes to brighten your day instead. Dolly Parton, 56. 82.89 % / 2909 votes. Luckily, this is not difficult." The world owes you nothing. "People say, How you stay looking so young? I say, well, good lighting, good doctors, and good makeup." Funny one-liners 1. The shortest horror story: Monday. Anonymous, 38. Whats a dogs favorite homework assignment? 4. Love the life you live. Attire. .css-2ahkpt{display:block;font-family:Brandon,Helvetica,Arial,Sans-serif;font-weight:normal;margin-bottom:0.5rem;margin-top:0;-webkit-text-decoration:none;text-decoration:none;}@media (any-hover: hover){.css-2ahkpt:hover{color:link-hover;}}@media(max-width: 48rem){.css-2ahkpt{font-size:1.375rem;line-height:1.2;}}@media(min-width: 48rem){.css-2ahkpt{font-size:1.125rem;line-height:1.2;}}@media(min-width: 64rem){.css-2ahkpt{font-size:1.125rem;line-height:1.2;}}Julianne Hough Looks Fierce in a Naked Dress, Leann Rimes Shares Video Montage for Anniversary, Crazy Rules 'Jeopardy' Contestants Have to Follow, Watch Kelly Clarkson's Cover of Taylor Swift Song. Some other work-safe jokes include dad jokes, puns, and a myriad of other clean and not-always-cheesy jokes that dont leverage taboos or inappropriate subjects. Dream as if youll live forever, live as if youll die today. James Dean, 74. "No man goes before his time unless the boss leaves early."