If only one partner desires to recommit, then it will not work. The soul hopes and yearns for what the private parts will fulfill or deny. (Sahih Al-Bukhari, Sahih Muslim). Al-Mannaawi said: Cheating is that which mixes bad with good. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services. If in the face of such shattering news, it would be strange if you didnt feel lost.1. We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. However, you do run the risk of not having blessings in that marriage due to it beginning on an unlawful step and breaking up your current family, but this is known only to Allah. I know Ive got to face him and speak to him about it although it makes me feel sick. I would advice that the sis Miss Covert be clear about her needs and expectations for trust to be rebuilt. Sister, Id advise you to cut any contact with your ex and try sincerely to bond with your husband. Although every case is unique, there are four basic situations why people have affairs: 1. The guilt is eating me alive and I love Him so much and every time he is nice to me I feel like a fraud. Being A Bad Muslim Helped Me Get Out Of A Bad Marriage A person who does not know how to keep his heart and gaze will be easy to experience it. Betrayal trauma and divorce is hard, I feel for everyone going through it. If you think you cant be happy with your husband, then I suggest that you sit down with your parents and talk properly with them about it first. You should be more worried about your awaiting punishment in the day of judgement. I agree with your husband; he should not tolerate such cheating and betrayal if he has been loyal and faithful to you. I have learned to pray, taught my daughters how to read the English translation of the Quran all the way, attend the Masjid every Friday and even went daily to Masjid (missing 1 day) during Ramadan. So I was just your average woman who acknowledged Allah and was thankful, and participated in Ramadan for the past 14 years etc. We keep to ourselves. From that verse alone, it is definite that cheating is an act that is very close to or even the same as committing adultery. 1-Cheating is a way that leads to Hell. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. 13-Some of them describe many faults in the car which are not real, with the intention of concealing the real faults of the vehicle behind these imaginary faults. 27/04/2023 at 10:45 pm. You will also have to spell out exactly what your partner can do for you, and give this person a road map back into your life. 1. 3. Astagfirullah! Unfortunately, my x continued contact during our reconciliation which hindered progress. This website is for people of various faiths who seek to understand Islam and Muslims. Afshana Haque is currently the executive director of her private practice, Muslim Family Support and conducts face to face and online therapy from Houston, TX. 17-Some vendors at sheep auctions and places where chickens are sold feed the animals salt [to make them drink more and thus look fatter], so that the purchaser will think that they are fat when they are not. 5-Some guardians marry off the female under their care without making the effort to find out about the suitor and how religiously committed he is or what his attitude is like. You want a time when you are rested. Or do you wish to stay in the marriage and try to work it out? The possibility of healing from infidelity rests on the willingness of both parties to rebuild trust and the relationship. https://qa.islam.com/s/ufw68g/the_girl_i_want_to_marry_committed_zina/comments/l8jzvj#c_l8jzvj, cheated [one of my very-old-but-still-somewhat-useful answers], https://qa.islam.com/s/jkrk8r/cheated/comments/crrhip#c_crrhip, Vulnerability: The Key to Better Relationships:MarkManson.net [on emotional vomit as well], https://markmanson.net/vulnerability-in-relationships, Why People Cheat in Relationships: MarkManson.net. May Allah subhana wataAla reward you immensely and make your forgiveness of your husband a sincere forgiveness and may it a means of you earning the forgiveness of Allah subhana wataAlah and jannatul Firdaws. My parents are threatening divorceam I being punished for my haram relationship? A person who cheats often display constant lying which can be observed through their behaviours. sometimes i wish i didnt exist - is this haram? Everything went well until the very last 2 weeks before I was to leave the country to join my husband. I knew my family wouldnt approve of our marriage, but I was weak. Cheating on my husband has helped me understand his need for variety in sex. Cases where the kuffaar gained power over the Muslims, taking them prisoner and confiscating their property, taking their wealth and women, have happened a great deal in recent times, because of evil deeds that traders and others have committed, cheating in many different ways, because of the enormity of these crimes, deceit and trickery by means of which they took the wealth of the Muslims in any way they could, and did not feel that Allaah is always watching them. Every time I think of it I feel like I betrayed not only my husband but Allah as well. He is more likely to listen to you and feel your pain if you speak calmly and directly. The Prophet of Allaah Shuayb warned his people against reducing the value of peoples property and cheating in weights and measures, as Allaah has told us in the Quraan. What you are doing is called an exit affair. OP, you are not disclosing any details of anything that might have happened in-between your 'extremely happy marriage' to cheating on your 'stuck-by-the-hip' husband. In the Quraan, Allaah has condemned cheating and the people who do it, and has warned them of bad consequences. In fact how many men would be of forgiving nature, a sympathetic nature if they found their wives were infidelious ? What appears to be the case in your situation with your cheating husband is that you have a place in his heart; were it not for that he would have hastened to end the marital relationship between you after he found out that you are aware of his haram relationship with that woman. The Prophet (SAW) has taught us the best of deeds are those that done consistently, even if they are small. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance". Does Islam allow this? You did not do it one time, you did it for 4 months. In these days of Facebook and Twitter, anyone can make themselves LOOK good. Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: How many people have caused misery to their own children, the apples of their eyes, in this world and in the Hereafter, by neglecting them, not disciplining them, encouraging them to follow their whims and desires, thinking that they were honouring them when they were in fact humiliating them, that they were being merciful to them when in fact they were wronging them. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. 11-Some of them turn back the odometer, if it shows that the car has traveled a great distance, to trick the purchaser into thinking that the car has only been used a little. I Cheat on My Husband and Dont Feel Any Guilt. You will lose him for good once you tell him the truth. You've done your best and fulfilled your responsibilities, if your husband can't see that, or in this case, won't see that, and is busy with this other woman, then he can go live with her. You can ask your question on the website via this link: https://islamqa.info/en/ask, Password should contain small, capital letter and at least 8 characters long, Log in Whether to disclose your cheating to him or not is your decision, and Im not encouraging you to take either option; its up to you to decide. I never felt so sick and paralysed, as you would never expect that from someone you love dearly; and whom you sharing your life with. Does it feel like pulling teeth getting him to say how he feels about you? By clicking Accept, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. 6-Some perfume-sellers put some products, such as saffron, near water so that they may absorb the moisture, thus increasing the weight by approximately one-third. If you disclose your cheating to him, not only may he leave you but it will also cause him much (emotional and physical) pain, shock, and trauma. 3 Cheating in naseehah (sincere advice). My wife cheated on me twice for which I caught her but don't know how many times she were doing this to me in this 20 years of marriage life. Realize that this world is transient and that the Reckoning will examine the smallest details; righteous deeds benefit one's children while bad deeds adversely affect them. I want advice from you on how to take control of this situation in a halaal (lawful) way. No one does this except one who is ignoble and does not care about his soul, so he causes it to indulge in that which will cause its doom and destruction. According to Islam, cheating is equivalent to zina. Going back to your husband without telling him of your affair: The reasons why you had an affair are truly known only to you and Allah sister. The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. Her most recent research publications include: A Systematic Research Synthesis of Various Adaptive Strategies Utilized by Dual-Income Couples, and The Assessment of Marital Adjustment with Muslim Populations: A Reliability study of the Locke-Wallace Marital Adjustment Test when administered to the Muslim Population. You have to fully acknowledge your issues in your marriage that led to this behavior. If you're a Muslim and your wife cheats on you, is it okay to - Quora Fill his time with useful and beneficial things, and do not leave him time when he is alone with his shaytan! I have been in the new country with my husband for almost 2 months now, his brother has sworn to secrecy, but It is becoming harder for me to keep this quiet. This is what I believe people especially women forget in their pursuit of Love and filling a void in their hearts. I just wanted some advice on how to approach this calamity that has befallen on my family and I pray that Allah will help me overcome the state Im in. It is not your husbands fault that you were pressurized into marrying him. I am a happy American woman who converted to Islam by choice 8 years ago. What's The Matter? | Confronting a Cheating Husband Millions of questions went through my mind! Used, manipulated, gaslighted, and then left by a man, Im happily married but I keep checking out other women. My cousins are astrayhow do I advise them? It must be really hard for you to live with your husband when you dont feel anything for him. Jinn possession has caused my wife to commit adultery. She asked me to divorce her but I did not accede to her at that time, thinking about the impact on my kids. A person gets caught in a slippery situation, is under the influence of drugs or alcohol and they do something they never thought they would do. Exchanging messages can be more discreet. Never put complete,blind trust on a human, that trust deservedly belongs to Allah. His daily schedule should be full, either with acts of worship such as upholding ties of kinship or attending Islamic study circles, or he should be busy with worldly matters that are beneficial and permissible, such as exercise. Schedule sex. Observe proper limits and avoid being alone with him or letting him see your awrah.